Boundry Training of Children

Greetings to you with hopes that you are enjoying a pleasant day.

Days here are full of many lessons. When you teach your children it is often you who learn the lessons. The kids are kids with hearts needful to be taught where they begin and end. I am reading and implementing Boundaries For Kids by Cloud. It is a core character development study. With boundaries we can thrive to become quality adults full of love in action. I was raised with few examples of boundary. When they were taught often it was a imposed rigidity that was way too far over to the swing of abuse.
Without boundaries a life is left with these types of difficulties;

• Inability to say no to hurtful people or set limits on hurtful behavior from others
• Inability to say no to their own destructive impulses
• Inability to hear no from others and respect their limits
• Inability to delay gratifications and accomplish goals and tasks
• Struggles with intimacy and maintaining closeness with others
• Inability to be honest with those they are close to
• Inability to confront others and resolve conflicts productively
• Experiencing life as a victim instead of living it purposefully with a feeling of self-control
• Addictions and compulsions
• Disorganization and lack of follow through

As you can imagine it is a time that love has to be pulled up from my toes. Patience is stretched so far as to make every effort to overcome my lack of training. I must teach myself boundaries as I implement them into my children's lives. Parenting must be intentional if we are to change.
These questions must be asked

• How do I teach boundaries to children
• How do I enforce my own boundaries with my children in appropriate ways?
• How can I ensure that my children will not have the problems with boundaries that I have had?

This is the beginning of my study on intentionally teaching my kids to have sound boundaries. A foundation has been poured many stones set as our kids are partly grown now the building not only needs repair, it needs major improvements.

What better gift to the world than to offer children intentionally raised to be healthy adults able to practice where they begin and end.

Inherited Common Variable Immunodeficiency CVID and suffering

A comment was left on my post "Inherited Common variable immunodeficiency (CVID)":

my 22 year old cousin died recently from his cvid complications, Yes I am sad for this loss but I am also confused, Why him and not me. This bit by bit dying, tumors being removed spinal surgeries, nasal procedures, and all the drugs,,,, enough is enough I wish I had the balls to end this horrific life, 

This was a no-reply comment so not being able to email you my hope is to reach out.

Not knowing if you might read this or not my heart is for you. I am so sorry for the loss of your cousin. I am so sorry for your suffering. The pains of surgeries and nasal wounds to heal. All the side effects of the drugs having challenges of personality changes that can just leave you in tears. A shell of yourself, the real you left hiding inside often in shame. It is a shame that is undeserved.

All of you who have been reading here brace yourself for truth. Yep, I suffer daily and have so for many years. Waking this morning and reading my guest note on the weight of it had a strange effect. You see although the suffering be a part of my life at times it seems it has 'become my life' 

it is life however. . 

I asked for life. 
 A couple of weeks before before my diagnosis standing in the shower I knew I was dying. With pneumonia and bronchitis not responding to medications. My strength slipping from me I knew that my days were numbered. For 40+years I had endured the humiliating of testing and suspicion that follow undiagnosed CVID . That was in addition to all the illness and pains. Life limited by odd issues that gave to me a cloud of hypochondria. Even those closest to me began to wonder. That was a great suffering of indignity.
CVID is all about suffering yes, it is a pain covering our soul, spirit and body.
Diagnosis is at the very least a chance to gain out of all of this lifetime of physical and emotional loss a bit of dignity.

I wish and pray for the courage to live this life. Just last night I had shared how I was tempted to feel the way my commenter had expressed. It is courage to live that I need. I am glad that the 'balls' to end it have eluded me. My shoulder is almost frozen up now and it has to be faced. Surgery is inevitable and I need the courage to face it. Then I need courage to face more physical therapy. In 2008 at the Neuro hospital they said that IF I have MS it is in its mildest form. Well now everyday getting up out of a chair often accompanied by a whimper that can slip out before I can stop it. My kids see me in pain, my kids know me in pain, but my kids know me.
Reading that statement about wishing the courage to 'end it all', helps me to remember it is courage to live through it all that I must pray for.
My total knee replacement has been so VERY painful that I even forgot how bad it was before surgery. I have to trust that my shoulder will recover surgery and my heart will meet that challenge too. This year has been new for last year was long and hard. I'll see if this painful movement issue is just Fibromylasia or perhaps a side effect of high counts. Joints get attacked with CVID and so it is.
I think of the woman of 50 who is out there young and vibrant full of activity and I admire her. What is must be like to have energy and strength. Mine was amazing for a season. Missing the ability to garden or do heavy activities without measuring and budgeting what must get done against a wish list of things that need to get done. Independence became asking a lot for help, that too takes courage.

Dear Nancy I now that 'wishing for the guts to end it all' is a thought in the mist of the suffering, I have had it or thoughts like it from time to time. I think dear lady it is the guts to live through it that we have to be begging for. This is hard and you are hurting the losses around you. My own sister died undiagnosed and that is how I came to my own diagnosis after so many years. I miss her and am angry and hurt over her suffering into her end. Grieving this condition daily faced with blows of illness and pain never lets it ease. Don't let us give in and give over into the exhaustion of it all. Perhaps being there to comfort others helps us. There is the Primary Immune Foundation to reach too as well. I have done little of reaching out but after attending the conference I felt so much less alone in it. 
I know it is hard, you understand that? Yet lets fight for the 'balls' to live through it with our dignity. CVID can not be allowed to take that away from us. I need you to fight for the courage to LIVE remember we need each other. You strengthen me by reminding me to ask for the courage to live. I thank you for that today.

I pray for my family and husband who has to help me more and watch me suffer. I pray for my friends who have lost me into the vortex. It is as though this has left me holding strings to manage and so few of them.
LIVING with CVID

Marriage Monday

Please Complete These Sentences

I am…..and it is wonderful to be
I want…..this day and the one that follows
I have…..life, purpose, love
I wish…..for more life to delight in the beauty of those faces that surrounding me
I hate…..to hate, rather I desire understanding and tolerance
I miss…..those who have gone on before me
I fear…..inappropriate fear and its destructive force.
I feel…..content, exhilarated
I hear…..click and clack of my Labradors’ paws on wood floor
I smell…..hope, fresh sweet promise of a clean home
I crave…..a cup of coffee and a slice of toast
I search…..for knowledge wanting to gain understanding hoping to respond to life with wisdom.
I wonder…..how many years I’ll have
I regret…..years of self distain where compassion would much better of served me
I love…..the freedom of forgiveness being able to place the heart before the actions
I ache…..over the suffering we have endured throughout our lifetime
I care…..and that makes me who I am
I always…..think the best of and am for and not against others
I am not…..a waste of breath
I believe…..I am loved by God
I dance…..when I remember to love being in love with my maker
I sing…..like the trees dance
I cry…..like the wells of earth, deeply and mainly when I am feeling loved
I don’t always…..look like who I really am
I fight…..for my heart
I write…..for my posterity
I never….wanted to be so hindered as to hinder others
I listen…..when I remember who I am
I need…..to remember
I am happy…..being

Morning home schooling

We have a routine. Finally it begins to press out. Lots of wrinkles with computer issues and book errors. Today is a new day. The first where it is more like it will be each day. Kids up at 8-8:30 dishwasher emptied, chickens fed, dog fed and computers on warming before 9 a.m. Kids fed as in actually making it with me getting the ingredients out for themselves. All is well this morning and no fuss.
This is a process and it is now becoming smooth.
Dove is doing great as is Dash. The last semester ended with Dash on honor roll. Dove has tested out at an 11th grade reading level. With the higher levels of seventh grade algebra being a math of reading; she will show good improvement now we trust.

As a bouncing ball I am at a beck and call to each child. Dove in in the office so walking has increased substantially for me. It is a good thing for my knee is needing the activity, however it gets to be a long afternoon and a tired evening hour. Like a young woman it is a labor of love, it may perhaps even keep me young longer.
Many changes have been made to accommodate the lifestyle. This lifestyle however has also made many wonderful opportunities. The children and I were able to take Monday off to attend a K12 sledding event in the high country.  After a long four hour drive we arrived in Pinetop, AZ.

We stopped here to put on a layer of clothing of socks for the temp had come down below 30*

 I was very hesitant to drive up the cinder pit road so I walked it with cane in hand first. Dash was poorly behaved and took off up the road without us. After walking up to the cinder pit I was given a lift back to the truck. The snow was almost to the axle, powder snow. There were only three vehicles up there and one back at the road a real low turn out of folks. Only one other family from the valley. Not too surprising given the economy and fuel costs. I had saved up in the budget to give the kids a chance to see the snow. It was a real disappointment for within 45 minutes we had to be packed back up to leave. The event ended at 3p.m., but this was not told to me. All I knew was it started at 1p.m.. Due to a bad turn that left me backing up 1/4 of mile on a snow packed tree lined path we arrived at 2:10p.m.. Being alone without a cell phone staying was not an option. I offered up some hot cocoa to the folks for the camp stove came along with us. So the other family stayed until the hot coco was heated on my tail gait. My kids each had only four runs down the hill. They were covered in powder snow, fresh fallen just the day before. Then they waited while the kids got back into our truck. We all pulled out at 3:33p.m.. The sun set was due at 5:30, in the high country it chills fast. When we left it had dropped to 17*in a hurry.

My two kids saw this courageous woman drive 4-5 hours one way up into the Northern mountains of Arizona almost to New Mexico. It was fun to spend long hours with the children sharing knowledge. I had been reading about Native American Wisdom. This I spoke of for hours with them.Then a 5 hour drive home.

 As you can see the snow was pristine.

 The truck is parked down on the road here the drive into the cinder pit is to the right behind the yellow sign. Snow had fallen the day before. 18 inches of powder that I had no intention of being on alone.

On the way down we saw a sunset on the Moggioon Rim. White snow with black shadowed trees against a vivid rose/orange sky. IT was so beautiful. We stopped in Overgaurd for a restroom break and down the mountains platou we drove. At one point two cars were stopped on the road ahead of us. Two elk were just off the side of the road, as we slowed to a standstill the other cars were driving off. We saw the elk with the full fur on the neck. They were so beautiful. Of course it was all eyes to the sides of the road all the way through that section. Sunset is the crossing time for elk.

Now today we work and tomorrow we work on school, tasks and such.

It is a wonderful life.

When you have need...ask

 Daddy man came home with a load of lemons today. He had taken the children (plus one) over to a nearby empty dirt lot to film and shoot the air soft guns. A woman spoke over her back yard wall and offered lemons to him. He delighted that "his wife loves lemons" and picked what she offered.
Now just the day before yesterday I saw them for 3/$1 and they were small. I was shopping and stopped in thought at the shopping list and asked God for some.

 Simple syrup is a staple in my refer. So within 5 minutes lemon aide for the family. They all were amazed at the fast offering. So after an hour or so we had another batch of simple syrup, lemon juice for recipes, lemon zest to freeze and more drink for the afternoon.

 ...and yes, a sink yet full of beautiful pesticide free lemons. To zest a store bought lemon is a no no for the wax and such is a rich poison of sorts concentrated in the rind.
After washing, air dry, zest and let the lemon rest to dry a little and it will be much less slippery to juice.

 Use this for pie, curd and also recipes for chicken or fish.

 The lemon juice is in a spray catchup re-purposed container and the zest is in a dispenser made from an infant/toddlers snack container. A pinch at a time is easy. When frozen the zest will be a dryer texture. Do not press it into the container and it is easy to pinch.

The last several weeks have been full of these wonderful offering.

A book I needed was on shelf with the invoice accidentally left inside. The manager gave it to me from the online site, used her id and it came to me at 2/3 costs. Again I had prior asked for the very book.

We needed some binders and such for the kids home school. When at the Jr High withdrawing Dove I was able to purchase at a greatly reduced cost and support the school at the same time.

We were also blessed at years end with a wonderful Christmas. It would have been a much different type of holiday had I not opened up to be willing to ask the Jr High if we qualified for reduced lunches. The $20 a week was too rich. Although we did not qualify we were called and sponsored a bit. IT was strange and humbling to accept. Being the one who receives is much different than giving.

Ask for your needs
Your Father knows what you have need of. Asking humbles us and Lifts HIM up. We all need to be needed even God

Good Morning

Well hi there
Happy New Year!
Everything is awesome here just really crazy. Dove has come home to do on line school so it is a time of huge transition. She is doing all the prep testing. With paperwork to in roll and like wise withdraw every moment is well used up. We are also setting up the ymca k12 time it is a 12 hour attendance a week with at most 9 to 1 ratio at the Tempe y just 5 miles away. This is free to the kids as it will give time with other kids and me work out time for my membership will be at a reduced cost.
I have been speaking to a lawyer and I do not qualify for the disability. One must work for 5 out of the last 10 years. It is an issue at 65 that I will fall under Steve's s.s .
Teaching will be a good 6 hours or so work for me with prep time and such. We are so happy the kids are doing so well. School started on Tuesday.
Allergy shots went well on Monday now that I got off of the meds for my back. I can not do both. My back is better so that is good too.


Doing this with sleeping issues he must not have woke me.

We moved the freezer out to the garage and got rid of the other refer. I LOVE having my window back it was a huge task. Still have a tree to get down.

We start our day at 8-8:30 and school from 9-2 or so. The lunch break is watching science or history documentary

On line home school, virtual corriculum

This was a wonderful morning to start a day with. Maple brown sugar muffins for all.

With the start of a new year comes a start of a new semester. Last semester Dash was here with me doing his online K12 5th grade. He passed with HONOR ROLL! Dove was at the Jr High her grades were good too. A's and B's mostly with one C. That one A in math was very hard won with a promise of being able to do an elective this next semester. She however was still not allowed to do one and has once again two math classes assigned. This is a class with another student tutoring her.

Dove came to me asking once again about K12. Once before we all but had the registration complete and her girl friend talked her out of it. This time she is VERY serious.  Dove will get some sound testing next week to get a proper base point to her math abilities. This will be so good to give her a nice strong foundation she does not have at this time. I showed her all about her duty and responsibilities if she stays home and she wants to do it. She was accepted and will begin on the second. To my amazement I am so HAPPY! We will be doing full time school the three of us at a good 5 hours a day. I will have added duty but added freedoms as well. We will look into the YWCA membership as we become able. This giving opportunity for extra alternative classes and exercise for all of us.

Once again I will be full time homeschooling both of my children. This thrills me. It is a lot of hard work and takes great patience to do. The added curriculum right at hand, books delivered gives a  wonderful ease to it. The best of both worlds for us. We will have the AIMS testing off site in the late spring.
Even with the hardships of the knee replacement we finished out this semester well. Now that I understand the process and know how to do all the tasks required for attendance and daily plans it will be a lot easier. I am so startled at how VERY happy I am.

december update

;

The year has filled up and finished out with best friends in Jr High for Dove. Semester finals for both kids. Dash with his K12 home school distance computer classes we worked real hard. I say we for it is a good 5 hour job for me each day and then some. I suppose it need not be but we take education very seriously around here. They both finished off well, Dash had an extra three days of winter break.

This is my favorite coffee creamer and coffee gets me through may a long mornings around here. Insomnia is a mainstay with all the medications that are detoxed within four months four medication one was done twice. Pain a way of recovery for my knew knee and back issues. Naproxin in my 4th  week now to avoid injections in my spine. The steroids are not good for my immunity.

 Decorations were few this year for exhaustion have really left Steve and I as minimalist.

 Alas you know we must all get ready for that fat red man who brings us free stuff and steals all of our cookies. That is Doves description her humor is sweet but stands corrected with the heart of what Santa was all about.

 We had Dash's Adoption day number 10 on the 13th. It was a huge splurge but his heart to go out to a Carl's Jr fast food. Good grief what a rip off of ones cash. We just watched and rejoiced in his celebration. His heart mattered more.

A wreath at the door was all the welcome for the lights were too much this year. I know it is only four months out from my new leg but it seams an eternity. We are regaining strength. This break from teaching Dash is a refreshment to me. 

 Christmas Eve this dear one opened her home up till almost midnight with the laughter and conversations that covered the months apart. Our nieces spent time with our kids and the four of them were just delightful to behold. Our kids almost a whole generation younger were mesmerized by the evening with cousins.
Oh it was so so wonderful an evening!

 A photo shop game

 Dash slept on the sofa and morning came soon.
Once Willy had his bone we began our exchange. We were so grateful to the divine and human generosity of our provision.

 My darlin gave me a set of head phones that are cordless so as to be able to have music during the day while Dash is doing school. Oh the silence my son demands to concentrate. This is really sweet. I hope that the difference will keep me going on chores during the day. The lethargy has left my tasks so needy.

 This sweet man and I will be taking a partial early retirement to add to our income in March. We will work no less but it will be on his former employer of 27 years. It is really going to set us to a lower stress. Raising kids is expensive, us retiring on paper only years fly in life.

 Steve's brother took us all out to Christmas dinner. What a wonderful weekend is being had by all. Getting too tired to write more. Just needed to say...

Merry Christmas to one and all.

I stand amazed at the kindness that came and made this season turn around for us. It has strengthened our faith and built our humility and willingness to receive. We are refreshed.

On my IVIG my numbers are doing well, the infusions are working to keep me infection free. He will renew my strength one day I just know it.

Good for a laugh

Oh my my
This one just has to be shared. I know many of you would wish I shared more. Dash has now finished his mid term testing and I have two weeks off from teaching. Teaching is actually a good 5 hours a day.
Dove has three more days of school next week.

Returning from taking her to school this morning Dash spoke up

"I know what I wish I could get for Christmas..." he said. So my ears perk up to listen as my mind slows. Turning onto my street he continues. 

" I'd wish I could get a pooper scooper, but I'll wish for it for my birthday"

Laughing with great control as to not just bust out in a roar. He continues that it would be so much easier than  the shovel. 

Dash is very VERY sensitive to laughter so I am holding it in even now.

Mom I wish I had a pooper scooper

It has been a real intense time of teaching and healing of Dash's heart. He is learning study skills that help overcome all of the lies of the enemy of his soul. With Dove at 14 she is in constant need of all of me that is left over. These are very busy years for us. To sit here while the bread soaks for french toast is a treat for me in itself. We are well all of us that is a joy! I have deliveries this morning. Infusion is on the morrow they are a bit late delivering due to the season no doubt.
 A sweet way has been made for our Christmas to be a bit brighter for the kids. My heart is lifted being able to get them a couple of extra things. It is a wonderful thing to live with a grateful heart. Steve and I have been on a mission to renew our minds and one way is to speak of all that we are grateful for . If I were to wrap up all the things we have to find gratitude in we could not fit it all under even the White Houses' Christmas tree.

We are in love and that is the richest of treasures. Thirty years in March, that is just stunning to think how fast the years fly. Like a vapor, a sweet savor of all the spices life offers. Raising our kids and seeing them mature into young people with minds spirit and souls of their own. Oh we falter so but trust and pray and hope all the more.
I have to go make breakfast. With Dash home 24/7 I cook all three meals a day. He is a full time fullness of every moment save so very few. He is really coming along so well though and it leaves me humble and exhausted. The charter k12 is working out wonderfully.

Last night I took Dove and her best friend to the concert at the Jr High. It was a band concert. The jazz band is the only Arizona state one! They are going to Washington D.C.. They were great. The girls had a chaperoned escort, I hid out so as not to be present :). I really enjoy going to the school musicals. Poor mans symphony gives me a bit of culture. It is so good to have the exposure to the arts.

Well better get to cooking.
Enjoy your morning and be careful what you wish for. You might just end up cleaning the dung up.

Memoir

A Tin of old beads

          Life was mundane back then for a child of nine or ten. I can smell the fuel as it wafted through the sliding glass door. After school and in the summer time my hours were filled with that smell of gasoline. I recall that it seamed everything smelled of it. There were times that it would even fascinate me to pick up the stock of candy bars and intermingled with the wonder of the chocolate was the diesel pungent a poison of memory. He is still in my mind sometimes standing above me like the character Poppy the Sailor Man, elbows skinny against the massive forearms that threatened me daily. That worn tired face of a man aged to be burdened with such daily labor. “Mucking the stalls’ of the car wash out back he would lift those massive grates and grasps the two handles of the post digger, those scoops of goo.

          He wore coveralls that are what the jump suits were called back then. He was naked underneath them except his ‘skivvies’ he called them. He was not a man to have pants and a shirt like other fathers. This man was my step dad. He adopted us three my sister brother and I when was only 6 years old. He was an old merchant mariner retired. They lost everything though in the move from Washington State to Utah. At least it seamed so. Mom got the job with the Flying J gas station. So early to rise and daily to the grind the two of them ran the service station on one of the main drags in Ogden Utah. That is where this story began.

           Each day the one or the other or most days both would be found there. Mother and Father absent the home, or rather the home exchanged to the smell of the service station. I remember the house but the days at the station seamed more. It was my sitter, my nanny as it were. Filling the soda in the cooler and counting the penny candy. For a dime one could have a bit of a field day. Candy bars were a quarter not much more and yet fewer choices then the penny candy. It was dusty cause it was kept at the bottom of the display where the children like me could sit on the dirty linoleum floor to count out the booty. Tootsie rolls, bit o’ honey those were some of my favorite. There were the tubes of candy coated cocoa all colors like jewels. I could just sit for hours and look at it. Often I did. For inventory would have to be held. I wonder even now if mom was just finding a way to keep me occupied, however I do recall the inventory late nights. I would be cold and tired. They had to keep me there until one or the other would ‘relieve’ the other to go home and fix supper. Then a plate would be left to warm. Very few meals had them both together. Sometimes the warm plate would be taken to the stall and we would sit and visit while the ‘on duty’ parent would eat a bite or two between customers.

          Oh the hours, the family extended became the regular customers. It was the way then that the customer was always right, this until they would walk away and we would speak of the annoyance. Many a day someone would be rubbing the top of my head kindly. Looking up to those warm smiles often were highlights that made me feel that I belonged to a greater circle of life. Some folks were downright creepy, but they were few. This was during the 1970’s when gas was less than fifty cents a gallon and that seemed high. Names like Nixon and words about war would buzz around my head. Current events were hashed and rehashed (spoken of over and over) all day long. This is I think where my interest in the world around me began. Wanting to be included in those conversations, wanting to understand what the fuss was all about.

           I was born in 1961, the last of a quiver full of kids mostly by different fathers. One even had a different mother. One of the eldest had a different biological mother and father. So the mix of mutts so we were called left me always a lesser citizen than most. So it seemed to me when the crisp suits came in. Those were the men who just pulled in to use the urinal and a fast “fill er’ up’ would ya? Those who had fine dresses and fancy hair in ribbons were like China dolls to be admired. My hair was a mess, cut of as to ease of care for a mother who had no time to care even for her own self. Mother who wore what was a weight of care upon her bones as a suit of obesity. Now there were others like me who knew that air of superiority. They were the Native Americans, mostly spoken ill of and expected to be intoxicated as if that were their lot. They were poor often as a white man might see it poor, but even I as a child saw a sort of wealth lost and over looked. I never saw color as a bad thing. I saw it in the eye. It was where I took stock of a person. Did they look me in my eye as a lesser? Did I see a pity that was not disdain, which is often how my dad looked at me? The best was when they were distracted but when they looked at me a natural smile would come over them as they liked what they saw in me. It made me feel beautiful they became beautiful too. That was the way the elder woman looked at me that day.

          I was sitting on the floor counting the penny candy. It was warm as I remember and the cool floor felt grimy but somehow refreshing on my legs. She was there her presence like a tangible kindness. I think I was admiring the colored balls of candy in the plastic wrapped tubes. Maybe it was the beads on her soft shoes and the tassels of leather that fringed the ankles but she saw my eye catch the colors. I smiled. A natural smile as when one finds deep pleasure and the depth of beauty becomes a pool. I just dove in unashamed and reached out to touch them. No words or few. Just soul to soul appreciation. It is not a memory of words spoken as it was of hearts melting in a flash an instant of time. Even now the memory is one of an Ora not so much actual recollection. I wanted to see her again. As it was with all of the customers a pattern emerges. On a particular day at a regular time almost expectantly they would return to fulfill the appointed lot. So one day she would return.

          ”I have something for you” her voice came to my ear, reaching out to me was her aged hand. It was so skilled hours were written upon it in ages of day. These were hands of use and purpose. Not like the China dolls hands they were for luxury. I wish I knew her name. It would be one like Mina or May. She was as a woman of sage, wise and knowing kind gentle even quit present within her own eyes to me. When she would look at mother or others she was sheltered withdrawal behind those walls of safety from the storm the onslaught of demeaning nuances left by slanted smirked judging faces. In her hand was an old tin can. Black painted worn with a lid that lifted off a good quarter of the way. Now it was only five inches tall perhaps two and a half inches around. It shook as a rattle muffled but musical in a way unlike any sound I knew of.        The old tin was cool to the touch and a little heavy for its size. Eagerly I watched as she showed me how to pull up the sliding lid. It might have once been full of baking powder when it was new. Once those containers really were made out of tin, not like the cardboard with plastic lids one finds now days. She must have painted it black or all the letters had long worn off. It showed the use I had that old tin for 40 years or more, now I think it gone forever.

In that tin was found treasure. To a child yet even this woman the treasure served for a life love of beading. It contained her long life of beading, for it was her scrap bead tin. Once before this generation that tosses everything into the trash bin, folks saved. We saved everything for ours were the parents who lived or better said survived the great depression. They learned hard lessons on the waste of the land and the effects there of. She had saved every one. Now these were very tiny beads called seed beads for just reason. The colors were as endless as the variety. These beads became the story of my life. Tossed away by others but never by a true artist a creator of beauty saved everyone. She saw the value in me as well for to me this Elder gifted such a treasure. Given to me with a knowing a soft face tanned with time into softness. Suede that made rough those weathered raw hides worn by my parents and most other people in my life. It was then that I hoped my face might stay soft as to my countenance. Time makes it hard to stay so. Trials often make lines look unkind.

Childhood in a flash a young lady

It is a wonderful cloudy day .

Along with the sunshine hiding behind the clouds is the passing of the summer desert heat. It will be a long time coming and with much delight brisk air will kiss my cheeks every morning as I drive Dove to Jr High. She is so beautiful now. Donning high heals for the first time my little girl begins her journey into becoming woman. Lady I tell her for any girl can become a woman but to become a lady is the goal.

 Today she has these shoes on, the black color block ones. They fit her! Well almost with a little wedge at the heal and a pad under her toes. The years a flash and a blur and after you wipe the fog from you eyes she is grown into a beautiful young lady.

Sometimes being a lady in a world of men and women is a hard thing. Boys and girls will make it a challenge too. Lady is a term of character to me. It is a supreme complement to a girl young or old. Seasons pass and the little girl in heals becomes a "lady" in training. Training began so long ago when toys and mommy's shoes were play things.

 

 Thanksgiving Day

Mid Terms at 50!

Are you smarter than a fifth grader? I am wondering about how smart one must be. Dash is at Mid Terms and is doing great! I have learned or learned again so many things that I had forgotten. It takes a good 5 full hours of my day to see to Dash with his K12 on line public school. We are a pair doing well together after a very rocky start. Now that the road is smother it is a real pleasure. Math is the only subject posing a problem for now. Steve spends a good hour or so EVERY night doing the daily math lesson with him. He has real learning disabilities that are so challenging. It seems to be stress like related amnesia. At least I wonder about that. He forgets every thing he did the day before and every day it has to be retaught. Steve is a saint to do it.
Dove needs help too and she gets a lot less of it unfortunately. We are working hard to get her to speak up and ask. Balance is a real obvious effort each day. Dash may finish the first semester a few days early. With extra time earned he will get between one and four days extra off. We will see how the next two weeks go.

I am well, spent most days with little left to blog. Our design for the studio is wonderful. I love it! It is helping me to reconnect with my own heart. Been sorta wondering and just walking in a fog now for so long. Friday I will see the spine surgeon. The very thought of facing it is so overwhelming. The pain is so unbearable without the nerve and inflammation medications that they are now a must. I hope that it will be a non-surgical fix. I have just really emotionally gone flat line, too much to even think of. I love my new knee, due to my back I am not even able to walk around the block! Ooo that just makes me mad. I'll just keep my heart alive and focus on beauty in all that is around me and within me. I know I am blessed beyond measure. I think once the unknown clears as to my back, life will enter into direction. What ever the future holds knowing will help.

Choosing the best Turkey for the money

Good Morning
The butcher taught me a trick this morning. When choosing your turkey pick a hen not a tom. Look at the bird if it is more of a 'v' shape that one is the tom. If side by side the hen will have a wider curved appearance. The hen is more meat per pound. He said he can't tell everyone or he would be stuck with a lot of toms to sell off.
I got my bird for free to use later.

Tomorrow

'Thankfully' I rest with the pleasure of family and friends.

May beauty wrap you up too and rest refresh you. Take time for the young ones as well as the elders. Laugh if you burn a biscuit or scorch a pot. Be silly and except the turkey and yourself just as you are. Perfection is found in the heart free of pretense. Remove all fear over concern what others might or might not think of you. You are beautiful. Your efforts a gift that I appreciate as I hope and trust those who receive them ought. Each little detail is seen. God sees it. Others might and neglect to speak it. When you notice them in others speak up.
Remember you can not read others minds so do not assume. They can not read yours so speak out.
Happy hearts of gratitude be calm. Remove the fret and enjoy the fruits of your labors.

A different thanksgiving dinner

A very strange Thanksgiving this year for us. We are going out to a restaurant with the Grand Parents and My husbands Brother. They are serving the turkey and all the fixings. This year it is the best we can muster. Strange though not to even have this place decorated.

web sight for restaurant
I want to tap into some joy, some thankfulness.  I hope to play and laugh. Maybe I'll try to help and pull a few things down from the attic.

So very much to be thankful for. We have love, health and faith. Beauty surrounds us.

Hope your day is wonderful.

What have we been up too?

"He, who every morning plans the
transactions of the day, and follows that
plan carries a thread that will guide him
through a labyrinth of the most busy life"

- Victor Hugo
 

 Hello,
Each morning I am greeted by this little beauty. Usually to part her hair for her, or to put her eye shadow on. What an honor to do so. It is so sweet a time. This morning there was some expectancy for she has a crush on a boy in her class. A real nice kid who has brought a lot of laughter to her days. They sit near each other in several classed.
 One day this week I had a real scare. There was early out. I sat awaiting her and she was now where to be found. The staff at the Jr. High was wonderful. She had gotten a ride from a mom without my permission. The mom later apologized. Dove learned a good lesson and I gained a few gray hairs and a crown for forgiving the mom. That was really a dumb thing she did. So Dove knows now to go to the office if I am ever late for her.

 Dash is doing his K12 here at home distance learning. Today was art. Early American Indians. He is making a shirt example of the planes Indians. What a fuss and fit! His hand give him issues yet. The fine motor thing really hinders him (us) when he gets angry.

 This is the product of my efforts this week. It is still in flux. See the work that stack of filing might just take two hours to get done. However the filing cabinet is now ready to receive it. It had to get a transfer of the files and the drawers so the novels paper work will be at hand.

 This is the wonderful chair that Steve got me. This is the best comfort ever felt. IT matters to me because next week I have a MRI for my lower back. I think injections will be in order and hope that no surgery is called for. The stinosis is getting really bad in my lower back. The Doc put me on a pain medication of 100 mg of Lyrica and 100mg of Tramidol every 12 hours. The nerve pain in my legs is better and the butt pain is much calmer. Too easy to have a pain in my bum haha.

 We were able last week to replace the canopy on the garden gazebo. It went on real easily. It had been washed with a UV protectorate. With it wet still the fabric really relaxed. The other one was town up so bad. It was an embarrassment being as the neighbors are in two story houses.

 Last week end we also cleared the garage out. A full long bed truck load to the Goodwill. We had these and were able to put them on the Creigs listing for free. We still have the desk, but Steve will not have to lift those heavy things again. The two separate men were grateful for the free stuff.

 Those bags are full of Doves Sweet Streets house collection. She is going to try to sell it. Dash also got his Train set out and photos were taken to list it as well. Another job to do is to get that all set up. I am so busy it would just tire you out if I told you.

 The kitchen has been a big project for me. I want the island to keep clear and clean. BIG task here. So far a week has gone by with dishes done before bed and kitchen clean when I wake. OH how good it is to gain back my lifestyle after the months of letting it go so as not to go crazy. My strength is good when I sleep.

 My sweet SILove gave me the image of Steve and I as young lovers. It is in the center of the wall there. We need so to go get family photos done. For years we just have not had the budget. I plan to print some that we took. The family is so good to see up there where they belong. It is the ending of the household feng shui. The redecorating has taken a good 8 months to get this far. I love the main rooms now. Just the kids rooms are left to do.

 A mirror placed on the side of the refer really helps me handle to absence of that garden window. It is a real savings of utility to have the units in house. I do so miss the window.

Using the computer cart facing south is also an option to me. I do not like my back to the entry of the room however. The file cabinet and the printer is right there to do research for novel.

 Lots of work to do yet over here. It was fun to make Doves necklace and ear rings this morning. I am looking forward to getting back into jewelery making soon. I now can sit for a while. The new chair could even be pulled into service if sitting there.

 The light yet has to get shifted into place.

We will hide all the wiring up under the table by and by. Loads of little things like that to do.

Speaking of 'to do' My timer went off to go get Dove.
Enjoy your day as you can see my life is full and rich. Teaching five hours a day with Dash and then the other duties of home and heart. Not often a dull moment. OH but when sleep is gifted me all the things I can get accomplished make a happy heart.

Is your heart happy today? I do hope so. Read Psalm 91. I just been thinking about abiding and not just standing in the doorway of His shelter.